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Sunday, April 22, 2012

an ode to mommyhood

I haven't built up the courage to sign up for parenting classes in the area, to meet other moms. If I do leave the house it's so I can buy last minute diapers. In my pre-baby days, I used to be out real late. Conversations with friends used to be about impromptu trips or late-night concerts. I don't even know if I could actually pick up the phone and -- get this -- have a conversation.  I'm burdened with requests every minute to "hang on" so I can attempt to feed pax or hurry up and wipe his mouth before he chokes on his baby puke. I'm always trying to get school work done but I can't help but look in the crib and make sure his tiny, sleeping chest is rising and falling like it should be. The words "poopy" and "potty" did not exist in my vocabulary, and I rarely, if ever, openly talked about my nipples or other regions of my body. In my pre-baby days, when I suffered the weekend head-splitting hangover, I stayed in my bed until the pain went away. Until I was strong enough to get up and make some greasy food. The house was silent. 

I miss my Indianapolis friends, and what I don't tell them is this :

There is NOTHING so magical as rediscovering the world around you, through your own kids' eyes. There is no greater feeling than the sensation of tiny warm hands rubbing your chest or your back, and no lovelier sound than a coo or a round of giggles. That without my son, I might never stop to ponder important things such as how formula is different from breastmilk and the tips for comforting a crying baby and what will happen to my baby if he sleeps on his stomach. Later down the road I'll have other important things to consider when his imagination starts to grow. When the "why is the sky blue?" questions start rolling in. 

As hard as it is to believe, those small joys really do outweigh these past few months of sleepless nights, oceans of worry, and, yes, being urinated and vomited on more often than a frat house floor is. Sacrificing my privacy, freedom, and dignity isn't easy, but it adds a depth and richness to my life that didn't exist before I kissed my abs goodbye forever. 

My friends in Naptown, Terre Haute and Muncie all own pricier shoes and clothes than me. They drive nicer cars, and have much smaller bags under their eyes than I do. My Jager girls have breasts that are still remarkably perky and they suffer less heartache. All of you can sleep in any Saturday that you please. You bitches get to wear bikinis. In public. 

And I HONESTLY wouldn't trade places with any of you for all of the peace, quiet, and white clothes in the world. I hope I gave you an insight on my life and how incredibly happy I am. I love you all and I hope you think of me. Miss you -- xo

{three} months today!

Paxton is three months today!!!! 
. . .

He's still healthy and got all of his shots on the 17th. 
My boy is tolerating tummy time now so he's starting to look around the room more. 
Which is great, cause the more he strengthens his neck, 
he'll be sitting up soon!

He still likes to chat a lot and smack those fingers. He's learning how to use his tongue, lips and palate. I like to imitate his noises and coos and I sound ridiculous but he talks back to me. & its the cutest thing ever!!

He's been chewing his little piggies. Only his hands. Not his feet yet! But he explores everything with his mouth. Babies tend to chew on everything!! So I put a little hand sanitizer on his hands here and there since I'm a worry wart about germs. 
Not only does he like gumming on his hands but he also likes to use them and grab things. He grips his blankie while he's napping and he plays with my shirt while I nurse him. 

He still smiles a lot but it's starting to seem like he smiles more with a purpose now :) He knows we love him and I find that so satisfying :))

Here's a comparison from the first and second months : 

I see a difference in his face and the length of his body :} 
He's getting so big so fast!!! 

Next thing to do is finish homework and get his footprint done


Friday, April 20, 2012

{time flies}

I feel sick to my stomach. It may be the fumes 
I inhaled from spray painting a chair earlier today. 
Whatever the cause, I don't feel good AT ALL. 

I heard two horrible stories today. A story of a man who's getting prosecuted for murder. A woman was leaving her home, but forgot something. So she buckled her daughter in the booster seat, started the car and ran back in the house. She ended up finding her neighbor, this man, and he was caught stealing from her. When she confronted him, he freaked out and I guess stabbed her like 52 times!! This happened back in 2008. 
The sad part is her 4 year old daughter was waiting in the car for hours and hours!! 
She unbuckled herself to go look for her mom, and found her dead in their home :(

The other story I heard happened in South Bend. A drunk driver ran her car into a home; almost completely through to the backyard. She ended up hitting an old woman who was asleep on her living room couch and the old woman died instantly. 

Two horrifying stories. It amazes me how quick life can pass you by and it makes me so sad for those victims and their families. I was devastated and once again counting my blessings.

It got me thinking : 

In the United States, almost half of all pregnancies are unintended. I fit into that category. Paxton was a surprise, or unplanned. But I am so happy he is here and I wouldn't have it any other way. Woman who are married love unintended pregnancies. Most would say it was suppose to happen. Single women like me, freak out to things that 'suddenly happen' or go 'unplanned.' Abortion becomes an option. I never considered it. I am 100% against abortion and I knew, in my heart, that I was responsible for having unprotected sex. I will take responsibility for staying healthy during my pregnancy and being a good mother.

Life had hit me. In my case, I felt like it was suppose to happen. My life finally started. 

Before I got pregnant, I was a party animal. Not somewhat, but most definitely, a party animal. I don't sugar coat things. When I got pregnant, everything changed. I started to really think about my life and what I needed. All the wants in life weren't important anymore. I had a dream, I had aspirations and I had to think about how I would get there with a child on the way. I didn't stress out. & a lot of people were shocked by it,  but I've always had a good head on my shoulders. And in a time of what most would think was a crisis, I kept calm and collected and made a plan. All I had to do was make slight adjustments and add in a baby. He's with me in my journey til the end and now it has become an adventure. 

I can honestly say that my old life was just passing me by. If I was asked if I could have my old life back, I would say absolutely not. I was around people who were so free spirited, they were careless. Careless about my feelings, mostly, and that hurt me. I think about the women I surround myself with now, and I am 110% more happy with the support I get now, then what I used to get. It's a totally different life. & of course it is. I'm not living in the city anymore where places don't close until the crack of dawn. I'm in bed by 9:00 pm. I'm not getting drunk or high anymore. I'm a picky eater and I'm sober because I breastfeed. 
Those old habits are behind me because my new life made a 360 turn on me. 

I'm proud of who I've become. I'm proud to be alive and I'm thankful for my son. 
Paxton allows me to slow down and appreciate why I'm here. I'm inspired by other mother's who accomplished bringing another life into this world. He inspires me everyday to be a better mommy. I admit I was scared, but you don't know how strong you truly are, until you have a baby. I feel like I can do anything. With or without his dad around. 

My life now has meaning.
. . .

I totally just preached {haha} 
oh well im not ashamed of sharing who I am with ya'll :}

This was taken yesterday :
we spent our day in the backyard cos it was nice out.

Paxton's been super moody lately. He has his days where he's Mr. Talkative and smiley
&then he has his days, like today, when he's extremely fussy.
He wanted to lay with me or grandma and be cuddled.
That was all he wanted ALL DAY.
My assumption is he's going through a growth spurt. 
& it's going to continue to be a roller coaster of emotions
 cos, well duh he needs to grow!!


Today was a day full of snuggles and napping so I couldn't get much done. 
It's finals week. Seems like I've been writing a lot of papers and now I'm doing more of a hands on project. Reupholstering a chair that I happened to dumpster dive for. 
It got a huge face lift today, but like I mentioned earlier. Those fumes really got to me. 

So I'm going to touch base real quickly and hit the hay.

. . .

He's been spending more time in the Bumbo.

He doesn't "like" tummy-time but he certainly can tolerate it now. 
He's been lifting his own head and lurking around :))

No more leaky diapers. As soon as I hear the first fart rip, I hold him upwards so the poop doesn't leak up his back. It's so funny how moms find tricks to things that are so obvious but you never notice because you're freaked out. I just gotta take a breath once in awhile and I'll find a solution to the problem.

He's still smiling a lot and this time it seems like his big smiles have a purpose :)
We're connecting a lot more and still bonding during nursing time; which is a plus. 
He gives me this look when I'm on my iPod,
 I can tell he wants me to stop doing what I'm doing and pay attention to him lol

His naps during the day are in his crib and I like that because he needs to start getting used to it. I've put him in there while he's awake and he's fallen asleep on his own! 
I wanted to give myself a major pat on the back for that one.

Since he's been in his crib more, he's discovered his stuffed friends.
He likes grabbing, gripping and sucking on them, his blankies and his rattle.

We still co-sleep for the majority of the night.
He wakes up to be fed and it's so hard to put him back in his crib.
He usually falls asleep while he's nursing so we just end up co-sleeping.

Good night everyone! 

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

let him sleep for when he wakes he will move mountains

We spent a majority of our day being lazy, playing and getting homework done. 

We practiced some sitting up today.

grandma thinks I'm an enabler to him growing up too fast 
but he's the one that starts to stand before I even pull him up!! 

His face lights up with excitement every time he goes from 
sitting to standing | I love it!

I played with his toesies and recorded a sweet video.

Like I said, today was a lazy day. 

I had school today.
& the rest of this week and next week i'll be
studying and doing projects for finals week :(
Got my test out of the way tonight.

Babe is sleeping in his crib now.
I still co-sleep but only if he wakes up in the middle of the night.


Tuesday, April 17, 2012

all aboard the healthy train!

Paxton is 12 weeks old | he got his 2 month shots today
{although he'll be 3 months this Sunday}
. . .
boy did he hate it!!!

He got oral medication called Rotavirus Vaccine to prevent diarrhea. 
I guess its common for infants to get dehydrated and get diarrhea

He got 3 shots in his leg
&thats when shit got real.

He got his hepatitis b when he was born and I wasn't really around to witness it. 
So today I was nervous for him, 
seeing them stick him THREE TIMES in both legs made me so mad!!

The nurse literally did it in 5 seconds and I thought he was getting stabbed :(

He received a pneumococcal conjugate vaccine, his second hepatitis b shot, and the big one that covers his dtap, tetanus and pertussis vaccines.

Babe has excema on his back and small patches of it on his arms &legs. 
So we have to get some Eucerin cream for his dry skin.

Other than that :

Paxton is 13 whole pounds!!! 
and he's 23.8 inches tall

Sunday, April 1, 2012

{talk that talk}

Tugging at the ears.
Massive amount of slobber &bubbles.

Let the TEETHING drama begin.

He`s growing too fast for me!!!!

So big.
He likes baths now :}

. . .

We got his 2 month pictures taken at Meijer so we could send out wallets to family for Easter.
Everyone was here yesterday for my cousin Shawn's baby shower.
He's having a boy :) 

So my dad and Paxton's great gma Thelma were here from Indianapolis.
His great aunt Latanza and her family drove in from South Carolina!!

So Pax got to see more family than we usually get to see!!!
+ I didn't have to
pay for a book of stamps to send out his pictures ;]

He looks older than 2 months here.
Such a stud muffin.

We've been getting our weekly visits still from Tanya.
So we're keeping track of his development &he
scored high for his age.

He still dislikes tummy time on the floor or the ball.
But he likes it on my tummy so no worries there.

He finally gripped his rattle the other day!

So now he's grabbing my clothes and pulling my hair a lot more!! lol

Since the weather has been nice,
he hates when i put clothes on him.
Still LOVES to be nakey

He "talks" a lot. 
Hums and coos and even yells. 

He's still going through a MAJOR growth spurt
so I find myself nursing him, what seems like, every hour.

I love his chunky thighs and cheeks 
and when he smiles and laughs back at me.

I can't wait for his personality to really show, 
but I can wait ;]

Love my boy!

His next doctor visit is mid April
he gets his shots
& i wanna schedule to see if he has any allergies!
{you've been updated}
hugs + kisses