{time flies}

I feel sick to my stomach. It may be the fumes 

I inhaled from spray painting a chair earlier today. 

Whatever the cause, I don't feel good AT ALL. 

I heard two horrible stories today. A story of a man who's getting prosecuted for murder. A woman was leaving her home, but forgot something. So she buckled her daughter in the booster seat, started the car and ran back in the house. She ended up finding her neighbor, this man, and he was caught stealing from her. When she confronted him, he freaked out and I guess stabbed her like 52 times!! This happened back in 2008. 

The sad part is her 4 year old daughter was waiting in the car for hours and hours!! 

She unbuckled herself to go look for her mom, and found her dead in their home :(

The other story I heard happened in South Bend. A drunk driver ran her car into a home; almost completely through to the backyard. She ended up hitting an old woman who was asleep on her living room couch and the old woman died instantly. 

Two horrifying stories. It amazes me how quick life can pass you by and it makes me so sad for those victims and their families. I was devastated and once again counting my blessings.

It got me thinking : 

In the United States, almost half of all pregnancies are unintended. I fit into that category. Paxton was a surprise, or unplanned. But I am so happy he is here and I wouldn't have it any other way. Woman who are married love unintended pregnancies. Most would say it was suppose to happen. Single women like me, freak out to things that 'suddenly happen' or go 'unplanned.' Abortion becomes an option. I never considered it. I am 100% against abortion and I knew, in my heart, that I was responsible for having unprotected sex. I will take responsibility for staying healthy during my pregnancy and being a good mother.

Life had hit me. In my case, I felt like it was suppose to happen. My life finally started. 

Before I got pregnant, I was a party animal. Not somewhat, but most definitely, a party animal. I don't sugar coat things. When I got pregnant, everything changed. I started to really think about my life and what I needed. All the wants in life weren't important anymore. I had a dream, I had aspirations and I had to think about how I would get there with a child on the way. I didn't stress out. & a lot of people were shocked by it,  but I've always had a good head on my shoulders. And in a time of what most would think was a crisis, I kept calm and collected and made a plan. All I had to do was make slight adjustments and add in a baby. He's with me in my journey til the end and now it has become an adventure. 

I can honestly say that my old life was just passing me by. If I was asked if I could have my old life back, I would say absolutely not. I was around people who were so free spirited, they were careless. Careless about my feelings, mostly, and that hurt me. I think about the women I surround myself with now, and I am 110% more happy with the support I get now, then what I used to get. It's a totally different life. & of course it is. I'm not living in the city anymore where places don't close until the crack of dawn. I'm in bed by 9:00 pm. I'm not getting drunk or high anymore. I'm a picky eater and I'm sober because I breastfeed. 

Those old habits are behind me because my new life made a 360 turn on me. 

I'm proud of who I've become. I'm proud to be alive and I'm thankful for my son. 

Paxton allows me to slow down and appreciate why I'm here. I'm inspired by other mother's who accomplished bringing another life into this world. He inspires me everyday to be a better mommy. I admit I was scared, but you don't know how strong you truly are, until you have a baby. I feel like I can do anything. With or without his dad around. 

My life now has meaning.

. . .

I totally just preached {haha} 

oh well im not ashamed of sharing who I am with ya'll :}

This was taken yesterday :

we spent our day in the backyard cos it was nice out.

Paxton's been super moody lately. He has his days where he's Mr. Talkative and smiley

&then he has his days, like today, when he's extremely fussy.

He wanted to lay with me or grandma and be cuddled.

That was all he wanted ALL DAY.

My assumption is he's going through a growth spurt. 

& it's going to continue to be a roller coaster of emotions

 cos, well duh he needs to grow!!

-----------------------------

Today was a day full of snuggles and napping so I couldn't get much done. 

It's finals week. Seems like I've been writing a lot of papers and now I'm doing more of a hands on project. Reupholstering a chair that I happened to dumpster dive for. 
It got a huge face lift today, but like I mentioned earlier. Those fumes really got to me. 

So I'm going to touch base real quickly and hit the hay.

. . .

He's been spending more time in the Bumbo.

He doesn't "like" tummy-time but he certainly can tolerate it now. 

He's been lifting his own head and lurking around :))

No more leaky diapers. As soon as I hear the first fart rip, I hold him upwards so the poop doesn't leak up his back. It's so funny how moms find tricks to things that are so obvious but you never notice because you're freaked out. I just gotta take a breath once in awhile and I'll find a solution to the problem.

He's still smiling a lot and this time it seems like his big smiles have a purpose :)

We're connecting a lot more and still bonding during nursing time; which is a plus. 

He gives me this look when I'm on my iPod,

 I can tell he wants me to stop doing what I'm doing and pay attention to him lol

His naps during the day are in his crib and I like that because he needs to start getting used to it. I've put him in there while he's awake and he's fallen asleep on his own! 
I wanted to give myself a major pat on the back for that one.

Since he's been in his crib more, he's discovered his stuffed friends.

He likes grabbing, gripping and sucking on them, his blankies and his rattle.

We still co-sleep for the majority of the night.

He wakes up to be fed and it's so hard to put him back in his crib.

He usually falls asleep while he's nursing so we just end up co-sleeping.

Good night everyone! 

{xo}